Wednesday, October 07, 2009


Like a heartbeat in a horror movie. Each pump is a little louder then the last. The memories of a time of bliss, of a hopeful future .... No matter the echoes, the statements and advice of others, I still miss Alexandra. I miss her daughter, Teagan. I miss our first and only trip together. I miss closing down the amusement park at West Edmonton Mall together - what a roller coaster champ she is. I miss Ally and I's road trips. Montreal, Sudbury ... adventures of Ottawa... even a lame Halloween party was fun - she was there. I miss ... I miss alot of things. I miss kneeling in front of her. I miss putting on the ring. Every time I am in my car, all I can think of is, here's the wedding money. Whenever I put gas in it, here's the funds I was looking to put aside for Teagan's education fund - so that she would not be hard up for cash as I was going through school, should she chose to. I miss buying her shoes... watching her headbutt Kevin in the tummy. And now.. the civilian job offer, portable to Van ... seems fruitless and pointless. Why? 'Cause I might as well be full-blow military now. Too much has happened, too much invested and its promises and future fits what I feel now.

As it was then, as it is now, I still go to sleep and wake with thoughts of her .....

For those that read this blog.. prep for sappiness and "emo" rants for the next bit... for this is my sketchpad

In Pace Requiescat ....

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